Being back in the US is never easy. It's weird living abroad long term because you get so used to being a foreigner, that knowing what's going on around you is grounds to be a snob instead of just what's expected of you. Like for example, I kind of turned my nose up to the new foreigners in Cuba, who didn't know how to manage the 2 currency system or the bus routes. I would think in my head like "oh, you're new here huh?" It's weird being back in my home country, and being that person who doesn't know, who I would have turned my nose up to in Cuba. I have gotten used to it, and so have my friends and family, but when I meet people who don't know me, I have to give them the disclaimer "I don't know [fill in whatever obvious thing you feel people who are American should know] because I've been living outside the country for the last [X] years going to medical school in Cuba." Then I wait... Does this person know anything about Cuba? And if they do know something is what they believe positive or negative? Are they judging me? How do I smooth this over and make this a healthy conversation if they hate Cuba? and a whole series of questions that goes through my mind. It's this whole anxiety building cycle I go through everyday, since I never know when I'm not going to know something, and its been kind of been in constant in my life these past 6 years, but has definitely gotten worse over the years since my cultural knowledge deficit has increased exponentially over the years (especially since I quit social media). And I don't really know what I get so worked up about since most conversations end up being interesting and fun especially when people have heard about the great medical training in Cuba, or are impressed with the description I provide, or when we at least end up having a great conversation even if we disagree about Cuba, and I feel like I worked myself up about nothing. So yea, that's one aspect.
Its hard getting back on my feet. I went 6 1/2 years without an income. I survived by the grace of God and the kindness of humankind. Now it's time for me to get in the swing of things in the US, and it's not easy. I feel similar to a lot of college grads, trapped in this cycle of I need a job, so that I can make money and support myself, but I need money to get the job, so where do I start? I'm thankful to at least have offers for housing and food, and no dependents to worry about, so things are easier than they could be. I'm just hoping to transition to having transportation, credit, an income and overall being on my feet soon so that I can get out of the cycle of poverty once and for all.
Seeing and being with my family has been really awesome. I still feel strange when they call me Dr. Dupree. I prefer to just be called Meka, like they've always called me, but I blush when they call me Dr. Dupree, maybe because I know they are proud of me, and want to compliment me. I know my patients will refer to me very formally, and that I have to identify myself that way, so that people know who I am and why I'm in their exam room, but I don't feel the need to be called Dr. Dupree by my friends and family. I'm still Meka. You can keep calling me Meka. It's all good.
I'm doing my best this time, since my return feels very permanent, to see the beauty and goodness in this country and this culture. I don't hate the US, but I have been spoiled by my community life style in Cuba where people really care how you're doing when they ask, and they really do mean you can ask for anything and they'll be there for you if they say it, and they actually mourn the death of children even if they don't know them, and when people say you are like family, it's because they mean it, and just a long series of other sayings and actions that show one's humanity that has just nourished me in the hardest of times in Cuba. Now it's hard for me to appreciate certain things in the US. I know this country isn't all bad or filled with bad people, so please be patient with me, support me and help me see and understand the love that's here, so that I can ease into my transition home. This is afterall my home and where I would always choose to be. I am so thankful for the kindness my friends, family and some strangers have shown me, and I hope you know that you all are the ones who give me hope. You're all here and you have showed me love, so I too can live here and continue my goal of spreading love. Share your stories with me, and your experiences so that I will be inspired. That's your homework for all of my blog readers! I hope you can do that for me!
Monday, August 10, 2015
Medical School Graduation
So I'm back and I graduated! Yay!!! I was blessed to have 7 pre-graduation guests (4 Family Members!!!) and 6 graduation guests (Great Friends!!!!) that traveled all the way from different parts of the Unites States down to Cuba to be there to support me which I will always and forever appreciate. Also my fiance, Kareem, was there who forewent his own graduation party to be at my graduation ceremony and party (Kareem graduated the same day at 10am and my graduation was at 3pm so my ceremony was at the same time as his party.) I barely slept the night before preparing for graduation, then I was up to an early start for my $1 manicure/pedicure appointment and trip to the drycleaner to get my white coat pressed for 10 cents all before we headed out to Kareem's graduation at 9am.
I want to make everyone who wanted to be there, but couldn't make it, feel like they were there, so if you want to feel like you were there, and can find the time to read this, here's how it went:
The ceremony consisted of around 1500 graduates from all the medical sciences including medicine, nursing, dentistry, and other medical professions. There were 21 graduates from the US, all from medicine. The majority of the graduates were Cuban, but there were around 40% of us who were foreign students from 80 something countries from all over the world. The largest group of foreign students was from China with close to 400 graduates. The ceremony consisted of a number of inspiring speeches, poetic performances and musical numbers all dedicated to us and loving work we will do through the medical sciences. We were all seated on the lower level of a theater that seats 5000, while our family and friends sat in the upper levels of the theater. We are often referred to as an "Army of White Coats" so the ceremony was really the culmination of all of our success and not the success of each individual student.
At the end of the ceremony, we were all given our diplomas as a group after the Rector said this catchy line (even in Spanish it sounds catchy) "And now, what we've all been waiting for..." (the crowd goes wild) And he then says "The giving of the diplomas" That's when everyone stands up and finds their diploma giver, which for me was my professor and mentor Dr. Ana Maria Andreu. A woman who has mentored and taught me over the last 4 years, to whom I am eternally grateful for all the hours of dedication to my personal and professional growth.
Following the official ceremony, there was a long photo shoot, that was really more exhausting than anything else, but I'm grateful that I will soon have lots of pictures to share with you all. After the official ceremony and photo shoot, we were invited to a celebratory dinner hosted by IFCO/Pastors for Peace, the organization through which I applied to attend medical school in Cuba more than 7 years ago!
At the dinner, each graduate was invited to say a few words, and of course I cried reflecting on my journey, the support I've received from you all, and how unprecedented my graduation is in my family. We were then individually given a gift from Pastors for Peace and a gift from Congresswoman Barbara Lee. A series of photos followed, and we danced and were marry for about 10 minutes before we were absolutely exhausted and had no other choice but to go home and rest to plan for my good friend Tia's wedding, which was the next day.
It was a long day, but passed by so quickly, that I can't even imagine that I spent so many hours outside my home celebrating on that one day. I was not emotional until the party, when I realized, wow, this is over! I did it! Even still being home now feels like a summer vacation. Other graduates have told me that it feels more real when September comes and instead of preparing to go back to Cuba, the same as the last 6 years, I'll just be here lol. We'll see though...
So yea, that's the graduation!
I want to make everyone who wanted to be there, but couldn't make it, feel like they were there, so if you want to feel like you were there, and can find the time to read this, here's how it went:
The ceremony consisted of around 1500 graduates from all the medical sciences including medicine, nursing, dentistry, and other medical professions. There were 21 graduates from the US, all from medicine. The majority of the graduates were Cuban, but there were around 40% of us who were foreign students from 80 something countries from all over the world. The largest group of foreign students was from China with close to 400 graduates. The ceremony consisted of a number of inspiring speeches, poetic performances and musical numbers all dedicated to us and loving work we will do through the medical sciences. We were all seated on the lower level of a theater that seats 5000, while our family and friends sat in the upper levels of the theater. We are often referred to as an "Army of White Coats" so the ceremony was really the culmination of all of our success and not the success of each individual student.
At the end of the ceremony, we were all given our diplomas as a group after the Rector said this catchy line (even in Spanish it sounds catchy) "And now, what we've all been waiting for..." (the crowd goes wild) And he then says "The giving of the diplomas" That's when everyone stands up and finds their diploma giver, which for me was my professor and mentor Dr. Ana Maria Andreu. A woman who has mentored and taught me over the last 4 years, to whom I am eternally grateful for all the hours of dedication to my personal and professional growth.
Following the official ceremony, there was a long photo shoot, that was really more exhausting than anything else, but I'm grateful that I will soon have lots of pictures to share with you all. After the official ceremony and photo shoot, we were invited to a celebratory dinner hosted by IFCO/Pastors for Peace, the organization through which I applied to attend medical school in Cuba more than 7 years ago!
At the dinner, each graduate was invited to say a few words, and of course I cried reflecting on my journey, the support I've received from you all, and how unprecedented my graduation is in my family. We were then individually given a gift from Pastors for Peace and a gift from Congresswoman Barbara Lee. A series of photos followed, and we danced and were marry for about 10 minutes before we were absolutely exhausted and had no other choice but to go home and rest to plan for my good friend Tia's wedding, which was the next day.
It was a long day, but passed by so quickly, that I can't even imagine that I spent so many hours outside my home celebrating on that one day. I was not emotional until the party, when I realized, wow, this is over! I did it! Even still being home now feels like a summer vacation. Other graduates have told me that it feels more real when September comes and instead of preparing to go back to Cuba, the same as the last 6 years, I'll just be here lol. We'll see though...
So yea, that's the graduation!
Monday, February 23, 2015
Felpetopedia y Lemusopedia
I'm rotating through surgery right now, which is always fun and interesting. Most surgeons I find are very get-down-to-business type people who move fast and furiously. However, every now and then you meet surgeons who take their time and explain everything out in very clear, easy to understand language, starting at the beginning with the simple and working their way into the complex. Two surgeons just like that are Dr. Felpeto and Dr. Lemus. They are both older gentlemen who are truly gentlemen inside the operating room and outside. They are excellent professors who their residents and students affectionately call encyclopedias because of the many years of experience and dedication to staying current on all topics in surgery and have given them the nicknames Felpeto-pedia and Lemus-opedia. It has been a pleasure to rotate with them and get to know them better through my 6th year surgery rotation! Cheers to them both!
Thursday, January 29, 2015
Dread locs and Medicine
Recently I’ve been thinking a lot about how similar these two things are. Maybe not for everyone, but for me, they actually have taken me through similar journeys. If I were a poet, maybe I could have made this sound really beautiful, but I think you all will understand what I'm trying to express just fine. Here are my thoughts:
When I first started both, I was unsure of the outcome, and afraid of what people might say and think of me. I am a trail blazer in my family and close friends to do them both and LIVING outside the box is not easy. With both, there is no such thing as linear progression; just as my locs unravel every time I get my hair wet, sometimes I learn things in medicine and forget a week later, have to relearn it, and keep relearning it until it sticks, just like I have to twist and twist my locs until they are permanent. I can’t really see or feel my progress with either but when I look at my hair, it’s locked and when people ask me about medicine, I know stuff! When I look back on both, and think about where I started and how far I’ve come, I feel proud that I haven’t given up no matter how hard or hopeless I’ve felt. I know that both have required and will continue to require a lot of work in the future because neither is every done. I really love both and they are two of the things that people most remember about me... They're pretty much always part of the description people give when they describe me.
Well hope this was interesting! I love my locs, and I love medicine and hope to have them both in my life for a long time!
When I first started both, I was unsure of the outcome, and afraid of what people might say and think of me. I am a trail blazer in my family and close friends to do them both and LIVING outside the box is not easy. With both, there is no such thing as linear progression; just as my locs unravel every time I get my hair wet, sometimes I learn things in medicine and forget a week later, have to relearn it, and keep relearning it until it sticks, just like I have to twist and twist my locs until they are permanent. I can’t really see or feel my progress with either but when I look at my hair, it’s locked and when people ask me about medicine, I know stuff! When I look back on both, and think about where I started and how far I’ve come, I feel proud that I haven’t given up no matter how hard or hopeless I’ve felt. I know that both have required and will continue to require a lot of work in the future because neither is every done. I really love both and they are two of the things that people most remember about me... They're pretty much always part of the description people give when they describe me.
Well hope this was interesting! I love my locs, and I love medicine and hope to have them both in my life for a long time!
Pre-Nostalgia...
"A sentimental longing or wistful affection for the past, typically for a period or place with happy personal associations." That's what the google dictionary says. I wonder is it possible to feel this way BEFORE something is actually in your past?
There are so many things about Cuba that I am going to miss! I can’t even really begin to explain the impact this country, this culture, this experience has had on my life, but I am going to make a short list of things that I will truly miss and yearn for when I get back home. This will be ongoing, so keep your eyes open for new items!
- Greeting my friends with "besitos." This is when you press your cheek to your friend's cheek and make a kissing sound. And when you are really happy to see someone you hold that press and make 5 or 6 kissing sounds right in a row! Best greeting ever!
- A coming “cold front” meaning that the temperature is going to drop from 80 something to 70 something degrees... great weather!
- Street vendors passing my house singing that flowers, bread, pastries, veggies, and other things have arrived! Not having to leave my house to shop!
- Random people in the street calling at me “negrita linda” or pretty black girl.
- Someone referring to a neighborhood as bad NOT because there are drugs, gangs and gun violence but because people are too nosy, play their music too loud and let their kids play in the street with no shoes on. I love my neighborhood here for some of those very same reasons.
- Strangers inviting me to their homes, giving me free rides, holding my hand as I walk down stairs, offering me their seat on the bus, and all the other random acts of kindness here that are normal here. (Just a quick story if you all have time: one day I was taking my trash out and the bag broke and all my trash fell in the street. My "nosy" neighbor, who I don't know at all, came out of her house and gave me a new trash bag! Random act of kindness!)
- All my professors who know my name and are personally invested in my success.
- All the things I can buy with a dollar (this is also a short list):
Theater productions, plays, musicals and jazz concerts
Beach trip
A full course of antibiotics
25 scoops of ice cream
2 personal cheese pizzas
22 eggs
A taxi ride from one city to the next
2 sangrias or mojitos
72 condoms or 48 condoms and 24 packs of lubricant
A full plate of food with fried fish, rice and beans, salad, and a second side dish
- Seeing people everywhere of all ages walking (and running to mostly catch the bus)!
- Seeing Tai Chi circles all over the city!
- Urban gardens with affordable vegetables!
- Seeing doctors everywhere!
- Seeing men with their children everywhere! Just the father and the kids...
- Cuban beaches... the only water that I can actually float and sort of swim in because it is calm, warm and salty!
There are so many things about Cuba that I am going to miss! I can’t even really begin to explain the impact this country, this culture, this experience has had on my life, but I am going to make a short list of things that I will truly miss and yearn for when I get back home. This will be ongoing, so keep your eyes open for new items!
- Greeting my friends with "besitos." This is when you press your cheek to your friend's cheek and make a kissing sound. And when you are really happy to see someone you hold that press and make 5 or 6 kissing sounds right in a row! Best greeting ever!
- A coming “cold front” meaning that the temperature is going to drop from 80 something to 70 something degrees... great weather!
- Street vendors passing my house singing that flowers, bread, pastries, veggies, and other things have arrived! Not having to leave my house to shop!
- Random people in the street calling at me “negrita linda” or pretty black girl.
- Someone referring to a neighborhood as bad NOT because there are drugs, gangs and gun violence but because people are too nosy, play their music too loud and let their kids play in the street with no shoes on. I love my neighborhood here for some of those very same reasons.
- Strangers inviting me to their homes, giving me free rides, holding my hand as I walk down stairs, offering me their seat on the bus, and all the other random acts of kindness here that are normal here. (Just a quick story if you all have time: one day I was taking my trash out and the bag broke and all my trash fell in the street. My "nosy" neighbor, who I don't know at all, came out of her house and gave me a new trash bag! Random act of kindness!)
- All my professors who know my name and are personally invested in my success.
- All the things I can buy with a dollar (this is also a short list):
Theater productions, plays, musicals and jazz concerts
Beach trip
A full course of antibiotics
25 scoops of ice cream
2 personal cheese pizzas
22 eggs
A taxi ride from one city to the next
2 sangrias or mojitos
72 condoms or 48 condoms and 24 packs of lubricant
A full plate of food with fried fish, rice and beans, salad, and a second side dish
- Seeing people everywhere of all ages walking (and running to mostly catch the bus)!
- Seeing Tai Chi circles all over the city!
- Urban gardens with affordable vegetables!
- Seeing doctors everywhere!
- Seeing men with their children everywhere! Just the father and the kids...
- Cuban beaches... the only water that I can actually float and sort of swim in because it is calm, warm and salty!
Sunday, November 9, 2014
Just an update... 6th year so far!
So, I'm in my last year of medical school, year 6! This year is our intern year, which in the US is the first year of residency, but here it is the last year of medical school. I will have to complete another intern year when I start residency, which will be different and challenging in its own ways.
How have things been so far this year? Hard! Not really hard as far as the course content, but the workload is killer! In my first rotation, Pediatrics, I was working 6-7 days a week from 7:30am to 4:00pm, and if everything was done at 4, I could go. If not, I stayed until everything was done or took my work home with me. I also had overnight call shifts every 5 days, and often times more often because I was making up calls that I missed by missing the first week of school. Also, I was doing early completion of calls so that I could participate in a medical conference back in the US. On top of all of the call and normal day time work, I also had to study like crazy for weekly exams in different areas of pediatrics. I am happy to report that Pediatrics is now over, and I finished well. For us in Cuba, Pediatrics is the most labor intensive and draining rotation. There is more documentation required than adult medicine, which is all written by hand, and is time consuming as well as hard on your wrist tendons.
This year, I feel at peace with everything in my life, even though I know I am about to experience a major life shift. Now that this experience is almost over, I want to make the most of it, regardless of how tired I am from all of the work I have to do. I'm already starting to miss all of my friends in Cuba, who have been with me for the past 6 years. Whether they are Cuban, American, African, Caribbean, Latino or otherwise, our relationships will be greatly affected by graduation. I hope to stay in contact with everyone, but things will surely be different, and I know it.
I've been thinking quite a bit already about where I want to go for residency, and where I want to live just in general. Do I go back to California? If I do, do I go to San Bernardino where my family is, or do I go back to the Bay area, my favorite area in California? Do I go to a place with even more need than California like Mississippi or Alabama or Detroit since I know I am called to serve an underserved community? Will I even be able to afford to apply all over the country? I'm just not sure about a lot of things. I know no matter what, everything will be fine, but my life is once again about to go into flux.
Everyone says this year passes faster than any other, so even though I still have 8 months, the two that have passed, BLEW by like they were 2 days! I just hope I can hold on to peace, love and positivity as well as productivity and the adrenaline that has kept me going so far!
How have things been so far this year? Hard! Not really hard as far as the course content, but the workload is killer! In my first rotation, Pediatrics, I was working 6-7 days a week from 7:30am to 4:00pm, and if everything was done at 4, I could go. If not, I stayed until everything was done or took my work home with me. I also had overnight call shifts every 5 days, and often times more often because I was making up calls that I missed by missing the first week of school. Also, I was doing early completion of calls so that I could participate in a medical conference back in the US. On top of all of the call and normal day time work, I also had to study like crazy for weekly exams in different areas of pediatrics. I am happy to report that Pediatrics is now over, and I finished well. For us in Cuba, Pediatrics is the most labor intensive and draining rotation. There is more documentation required than adult medicine, which is all written by hand, and is time consuming as well as hard on your wrist tendons.
This year, I feel at peace with everything in my life, even though I know I am about to experience a major life shift. Now that this experience is almost over, I want to make the most of it, regardless of how tired I am from all of the work I have to do. I'm already starting to miss all of my friends in Cuba, who have been with me for the past 6 years. Whether they are Cuban, American, African, Caribbean, Latino or otherwise, our relationships will be greatly affected by graduation. I hope to stay in contact with everyone, but things will surely be different, and I know it.
I've been thinking quite a bit already about where I want to go for residency, and where I want to live just in general. Do I go back to California? If I do, do I go to San Bernardino where my family is, or do I go back to the Bay area, my favorite area in California? Do I go to a place with even more need than California like Mississippi or Alabama or Detroit since I know I am called to serve an underserved community? Will I even be able to afford to apply all over the country? I'm just not sure about a lot of things. I know no matter what, everything will be fine, but my life is once again about to go into flux.
Everyone says this year passes faster than any other, so even though I still have 8 months, the two that have passed, BLEW by like they were 2 days! I just hope I can hold on to peace, love and positivity as well as productivity and the adrenaline that has kept me going so far!
New Perspectives on Old Topics
For me a huge part of growing up and maturing was/is realizing how much my perspective influences my understanding and my experiences. Before very recently, I feel like I just went through life forming opinions about different things without really thinking about where that opinion came from or how that very same opinion influences how I feel, how I remember, how I experience, and really everything about my life because life really kind of boils down to a series of experiences that we then remember in a particular way. Well, now I try to be very conscious and intentional about how I feel about things so that I can have more positive experiences and thus more positive memories, and as a result a more positive life.
To give everyone an example of what I'm saying just in case it's too vague to for people to really grasp, I didn't like avocados for a long time. I wouldn't eat them, and when I did, I had already decided in my mind, without even knowing that I had decided, that eating them would be an unpleasant experience, that I wouldn't like. And of course, I would never be disappointed, and would always have a horrible experience eating avocados and so would avoid them. Then, little by little, I started to open my mind to the idea of eating avocados mostly because I didn't have access to the same sources of protein in Cuba that I had in the US, and they have really great proteins in them that are important for me to eat as a vegetarian person. Now before I even buy an avocado, I'm thinking about the savory, delicious, smooth taste of them, how much they do for my body, and how pleasurable it will be when I get to eat them, which in turn makes the experience that much better. It takes time of course to change what I thought the first 25 years of my life, but I LOVE avocados now, and eat them as often as I can! My initial hatred for them was really just a lack of experience with them, and a prejudice that I had against them as a result of only tasting them a few times without any context.
I've decided to apply this ideology to many areas of my life, food being one of the biggest examples. I now eat mangoes, eggplant, raw onion, garlic, and bell pepper, fish, plain unsweetened yogurt, unsweetened tea and all sorts of things, that I thought I would never be able to stomach, just because I've changed my perspective on them to include their importance as part of a healthy diet which will then lead to longevity, vitality and health.
Another area of my life is my medical school experience. I LOVE studying medicine in Cuba. I love it even when I hate it. The reason why I love it even when I hate it is because I know in my heart and mind that my medical school is a wonderful place to study and practice medicine. My medical school and Cuba as a country are not without fault, just like anything else. My struggle is to always take the positive aspects of my school and Cuba as a nation with me in order to apply those things to my future life as a healthcare provider and to use the things that I perceive to be negative as lessons in what not to do. It's hard. It's really hard when I feel like I'm being treated unfairly, or being deprived of things I need, or promises to me have been broken, but I have decided that it is more important to me to be continuously growing and to have positive and healthy life experiences than it is for me to feel sorry for myself or wallow in negativity. At the end of the day, what real value does feeling sorry for myself really have? I don't feel better after I've gone on a rant about how I've been wronged. I don't grow from it. There is no more justice in the world afterwards. What really calls me to action is not a long speech about how terrible my life is. Not at all. I am motivated by my hope that I and all people can change. That all people can feel compassion. That we can learn from our own and other people's mistakes and strengths in order to create a better world for all of us. And for me that better world starts with first having a positive self image and a positive image of other people and things that I value. Then forgiving myself and others for our faults, and instead of judging, using those qualities or actions or whatever to improve ourselves, and finally always being open to have a new perspective on an old topic, because it will in fact change my experience and thus my life.
To give everyone an example of what I'm saying just in case it's too vague to for people to really grasp, I didn't like avocados for a long time. I wouldn't eat them, and when I did, I had already decided in my mind, without even knowing that I had decided, that eating them would be an unpleasant experience, that I wouldn't like. And of course, I would never be disappointed, and would always have a horrible experience eating avocados and so would avoid them. Then, little by little, I started to open my mind to the idea of eating avocados mostly because I didn't have access to the same sources of protein in Cuba that I had in the US, and they have really great proteins in them that are important for me to eat as a vegetarian person. Now before I even buy an avocado, I'm thinking about the savory, delicious, smooth taste of them, how much they do for my body, and how pleasurable it will be when I get to eat them, which in turn makes the experience that much better. It takes time of course to change what I thought the first 25 years of my life, but I LOVE avocados now, and eat them as often as I can! My initial hatred for them was really just a lack of experience with them, and a prejudice that I had against them as a result of only tasting them a few times without any context.
I've decided to apply this ideology to many areas of my life, food being one of the biggest examples. I now eat mangoes, eggplant, raw onion, garlic, and bell pepper, fish, plain unsweetened yogurt, unsweetened tea and all sorts of things, that I thought I would never be able to stomach, just because I've changed my perspective on them to include their importance as part of a healthy diet which will then lead to longevity, vitality and health.
Another area of my life is my medical school experience. I LOVE studying medicine in Cuba. I love it even when I hate it. The reason why I love it even when I hate it is because I know in my heart and mind that my medical school is a wonderful place to study and practice medicine. My medical school and Cuba as a country are not without fault, just like anything else. My struggle is to always take the positive aspects of my school and Cuba as a nation with me in order to apply those things to my future life as a healthcare provider and to use the things that I perceive to be negative as lessons in what not to do. It's hard. It's really hard when I feel like I'm being treated unfairly, or being deprived of things I need, or promises to me have been broken, but I have decided that it is more important to me to be continuously growing and to have positive and healthy life experiences than it is for me to feel sorry for myself or wallow in negativity. At the end of the day, what real value does feeling sorry for myself really have? I don't feel better after I've gone on a rant about how I've been wronged. I don't grow from it. There is no more justice in the world afterwards. What really calls me to action is not a long speech about how terrible my life is. Not at all. I am motivated by my hope that I and all people can change. That all people can feel compassion. That we can learn from our own and other people's mistakes and strengths in order to create a better world for all of us. And for me that better world starts with first having a positive self image and a positive image of other people and things that I value. Then forgiving myself and others for our faults, and instead of judging, using those qualities or actions or whatever to improve ourselves, and finally always being open to have a new perspective on an old topic, because it will in fact change my experience and thus my life.
Friday, November 7, 2014
This is creativity, sustainability, and just overall great! 10 Uses for Newspaper!!!
Cubans use and re-use newspaper over and over again in ways that are both official and unofficial, which I think is cool. I thought I would blog it! I hope to upload pictures soon!
Here's a list of all of the uses I've seen for newspaper in order of what I think are the most common uses to the less common uses...
1. Toilet paper (both as recycled paper that you buy in the store and just crumpled up paper that people use in their homes)
2. Bottle insulator (you wrap your frozen water bottle in newspaper and then put it in a plastic bag, which keeps it cold and from wetting everything in your bag)
3. Hand towels (just grab one and dry your hands!)
4. Moisture keepers for fresh herbs and flowers (you wrap fresh basil, cilantro, oregano, lilies, etc in newspaper to keep them moist and fresh)
5. Seat covers (if a chair or bench is wet, you just fold some newspaper and put it down to sit on top of it so you don't get your clean dry clothes wet and dirty)
6. Wrapping paper (for gifts, packages, storage, etc)
7. Window shades (in lots of buildings, you will see newspaper taped to the windows I think to keep the sun out)
8. Hand held fan (with the write folding, newspapers can create a pretty nice breeze)
9. Dust pan
10. Book covers
Here's a list of all of the uses I've seen for newspaper in order of what I think are the most common uses to the less common uses...
1. Toilet paper (both as recycled paper that you buy in the store and just crumpled up paper that people use in their homes)
2. Bottle insulator (you wrap your frozen water bottle in newspaper and then put it in a plastic bag, which keeps it cold and from wetting everything in your bag)
3. Hand towels (just grab one and dry your hands!)
4. Moisture keepers for fresh herbs and flowers (you wrap fresh basil, cilantro, oregano, lilies, etc in newspaper to keep them moist and fresh)
5. Seat covers (if a chair or bench is wet, you just fold some newspaper and put it down to sit on top of it so you don't get your clean dry clothes wet and dirty)
6. Wrapping paper (for gifts, packages, storage, etc)
7. Window shades (in lots of buildings, you will see newspaper taped to the windows I think to keep the sun out)
8. Hand held fan (with the write folding, newspapers can create a pretty nice breeze)
9. Dust pan
10. Book covers
Monday, September 1, 2014
Monogene!
This is a very personal post, but I would like to share this with the world because I believe that others will relate and hopefully grow from my experience. I heard the word Monogene for the first time today on the gospel singing reality show Sunday Best, and it made me think of myself. I'm not sure if it's even positive or negative, but something about it touched me and made me want to post this...
The thing that's harder for me about practicing medicine than anything, is feeling like what and who you is so different that it couldn't possibly ever be good enough...
Just so people have an example, sometimes I have full conversations with people in Spanish, and I'll make one or two grammatical errors, like putting the wrong gender on a word, and the person I'm talking to will tell me, "You don't speak Spanish, huh?!?!" I don't know if I hold my face as if I'm confused, or if I give people blank stares, or what it is, but it's like, sometimes I just feel that some people, not most, but some completely misjudge me. It would be like me telling a healthy normal young person who locked their keys in their car once that they have dementia. It's like huh?!?!?! That's a gross overestimation of forgetfulness that anyone can see. You don't have to be a doctor to know that someone who forgot their keys doesn't have dementia. Imagine forgetting your keys one or twice and being told that you have dementia, and that'll kind of give you an idea of how I feel.
I am the only person in my family who has ever pursued higher education. My life makes simple questions like "Where do you live?" "What do your parents do?" and "How many siblings do you have?" "Where is your family from?" complicated. Of course people have no idea that they are complicated when they ask, but for me, they are. I feel uncomfortable around people because at any moment, I might get asked one of these questions. I don't know how to make small talk simple and be honest so I usually just simply my answers and say something that I know will be easy for the other person, even if it's not 100% accurate. Then sometimes I feel distant from my family too because I've lived away from them for so long, that sometimes we don't understand each other either. It's like being stuck between two worlds. It's rough...
Then being not only the only person who's a first generation college student, I'm also often times the only black person. I'm also usually the only person who's parents together gross less than $20,000 a year. I could go on, but I don't want to put my whole life on a blog. It's not just the material and educational things either. I feel different. I think different. I am different. I am truly an individual. I started to think maybe 10 years ago that I was an alien. I never felt like an alien growing up, but people would ask me how are you so different from your family? Where did you come from? Things that didn't make sense to me at the time, but somehow made me feel less human. I like to think that I'm a very confident person, but really, I have a deep deep inferiority complex. I know I am intelligent, capable, savvy, compassionate, empathetic, and overall just hard working and very HUMAN, but somehow I'm uncomfortable being successful. I have a hard time when people call me Dr. Dupree. Even after all these years of my patients in Cuba calling me Dr. Dupree, it just sounds wrong... I know I can do better to and for myself though, and I will! I deserve it!
For me, I know what I have to do is practice seeing myself as a successful person. Practice loving and accepting myself. I'm not perfect. But I am wonderful just because! I was born wonderful, and I deserve love and respect for being human and exactly who I am. It's hard to convince yourself of that when you're always being judged, misjudged, sized up, qualified, not qualified, and just spun through the ringer in "successful" America where difference is usually rejected. I want to encourage everyone out there to do the same. Visualize yourself as a leader! Power pose! Love and accept your talents!
I would like to hear from people who have felt the same way and what you did to fix it! People who know me know that I'm not a big blame placer and I'm very solution oriented, so I'd love to hear ideas about how to feel and be more than just scores, titles, status, income, etc, and how to love yourself despite all the worldly things that people use to decide your worth! I recently watched a TED talk about a woman who felt what I feel. And she actually dedicated her life's research to teaching people how to be more confident. Check her out because she's a cool chick! http://www.ted.com/talks/amy_cuddy_your_body_language_shapes_who_you_are?language=en
The thing that's harder for me about practicing medicine than anything, is feeling like what and who you is so different that it couldn't possibly ever be good enough...
Just so people have an example, sometimes I have full conversations with people in Spanish, and I'll make one or two grammatical errors, like putting the wrong gender on a word, and the person I'm talking to will tell me, "You don't speak Spanish, huh?!?!" I don't know if I hold my face as if I'm confused, or if I give people blank stares, or what it is, but it's like, sometimes I just feel that some people, not most, but some completely misjudge me. It would be like me telling a healthy normal young person who locked their keys in their car once that they have dementia. It's like huh?!?!?! That's a gross overestimation of forgetfulness that anyone can see. You don't have to be a doctor to know that someone who forgot their keys doesn't have dementia. Imagine forgetting your keys one or twice and being told that you have dementia, and that'll kind of give you an idea of how I feel.
I am the only person in my family who has ever pursued higher education. My life makes simple questions like "Where do you live?" "What do your parents do?" and "How many siblings do you have?" "Where is your family from?" complicated. Of course people have no idea that they are complicated when they ask, but for me, they are. I feel uncomfortable around people because at any moment, I might get asked one of these questions. I don't know how to make small talk simple and be honest so I usually just simply my answers and say something that I know will be easy for the other person, even if it's not 100% accurate. Then sometimes I feel distant from my family too because I've lived away from them for so long, that sometimes we don't understand each other either. It's like being stuck between two worlds. It's rough...
Then being not only the only person who's a first generation college student, I'm also often times the only black person. I'm also usually the only person who's parents together gross less than $20,000 a year. I could go on, but I don't want to put my whole life on a blog. It's not just the material and educational things either. I feel different. I think different. I am different. I am truly an individual. I started to think maybe 10 years ago that I was an alien. I never felt like an alien growing up, but people would ask me how are you so different from your family? Where did you come from? Things that didn't make sense to me at the time, but somehow made me feel less human. I like to think that I'm a very confident person, but really, I have a deep deep inferiority complex. I know I am intelligent, capable, savvy, compassionate, empathetic, and overall just hard working and very HUMAN, but somehow I'm uncomfortable being successful. I have a hard time when people call me Dr. Dupree. Even after all these years of my patients in Cuba calling me Dr. Dupree, it just sounds wrong... I know I can do better to and for myself though, and I will! I deserve it!
For me, I know what I have to do is practice seeing myself as a successful person. Practice loving and accepting myself. I'm not perfect. But I am wonderful just because! I was born wonderful, and I deserve love and respect for being human and exactly who I am. It's hard to convince yourself of that when you're always being judged, misjudged, sized up, qualified, not qualified, and just spun through the ringer in "successful" America where difference is usually rejected. I want to encourage everyone out there to do the same. Visualize yourself as a leader! Power pose! Love and accept your talents!
I would like to hear from people who have felt the same way and what you did to fix it! People who know me know that I'm not a big blame placer and I'm very solution oriented, so I'd love to hear ideas about how to feel and be more than just scores, titles, status, income, etc, and how to love yourself despite all the worldly things that people use to decide your worth! I recently watched a TED talk about a woman who felt what I feel. And she actually dedicated her life's research to teaching people how to be more confident. Check her out because she's a cool chick! http://www.ted.com/talks/amy_cuddy_your_body_language_shapes_who_you_are?language=en
Sunday, August 31, 2014
Get Me into Residency!!!
I've started a Gofundme page to help with the cost of applying to residency. I have until September 2015 to raise money, form a list of programs, and enter the match! The match is a process that most US residency programs use to find medical school students and graduates to enter their programs.
If you are affiliated with a residency program, and think it would be a good fit for me, please let me know!
If you'd like to donate to the cost of applying, please visit my Gofundme page at http://www.gofundme.com/csvnz0
Yay for residency!
If you are affiliated with a residency program, and think it would be a good fit for me, please let me know!
If you'd like to donate to the cost of applying, please visit my Gofundme page at http://www.gofundme.com/csvnz0
Yay for residency!
Friday, July 25, 2014
Can't believe I'm almost done...
Wow!!! 6 years ago I started this journey. I didn't speak Spanish. I knew no one in Cuba. Really, I thought the idea of going to medical school in Cuba and for FREE was a rumor. I can't believe that 6 years have passed since I met Reverend Lucius Walker, Ellen Bernstein, Dr. Luther Castillo, Dr. Carmen Landau and Dr. Weng Wu, all of whom moved me with their stories! I remember being an idealistic young woman, convinced that medical education and health care should be free. That more efforts should be made to prevent illness and promote health, instead of just treating illness. That racial, gender, financial, religious and all other discrimination that have long been institutionalized, have a profound impact on health, and should be taken into consideration when brainstorming solutions to health problems.
I biked or used public transportation to go to work, and most other places. I was in LOVE with the San Francisco Bay Area! I was happy to live 411 miles away from my family and alone. I had a wonderful 1 bedroom apartment near Lake Merritt, and it was GREAT! I read all the Paulo Coehlo, Toni Morrison and any other fun novels I wanted. I watched videos on an online hula hooping magazine to learn cool hoop dance tricks. I even made hula hoops for friends and family to use for exercise. I had been on job for almost 6 years, where I had made lots of friends. I had a good life!
Now, 6 years later, I have spent 5 1/2 years living with people from all over the world! I am fluent in academic and conversational Spanish from interacting and studying with Spanish speakers from over 20 countries. I have learned about countries that I never knew existed. I have danced traditional dances that I never knew existed. I am one year away from becoming a medical doctor, when I really had given up on medicine before I applied to medical school in Cuba. I am obsessed with personal growth, world exploration, maintaining personal relationships with friends and family and just trying to spread love whenever I can.
I walk or take the bus most places I need to go. I love traveling across the island of Cuba. I'm not at all happy to live thousands of miles away from my family. After living with roommates, sometimes up to 22 women in one room, I have a hard time being alone. I have no time to hula hoop or read novels. I have no access to the internet or cable for that matter to keep up with hoop dance tricks or world affairs. I have tons of fun crafts on hold that I don't know when will get done, including a t shirt quilt with all my favorite shirts from high school and college. Most of my time is spent in a hospital or clinic or studying to give better care in a hospital or clinic. My life is very different, but yet still the same.
Still I am just a young woman who wants to make a better life for herself, her family and her community. I still work to take care of myself, my family, my community and the environment. I am still thirsty for knowledge and interested in learning and experiencing new things. I feel like the more I learn, the more I know I didn't know, and the more I want to learn. I'm more receptive to nonverbal clues and the subtleties of communication. I am looking forward to what my last year in Cuba will bring, and my return to the US for more than just work/study vacation. I feel like, my life is just starting, and I'm looking forward to giving back to the universe all of the blessings that I have received, especially over these last 6 years when I have depended on so many people to get me through. My life is still GREAT!
I biked or used public transportation to go to work, and most other places. I was in LOVE with the San Francisco Bay Area! I was happy to live 411 miles away from my family and alone. I had a wonderful 1 bedroom apartment near Lake Merritt, and it was GREAT! I read all the Paulo Coehlo, Toni Morrison and any other fun novels I wanted. I watched videos on an online hula hooping magazine to learn cool hoop dance tricks. I even made hula hoops for friends and family to use for exercise. I had been on job for almost 6 years, where I had made lots of friends. I had a good life!
Now, 6 years later, I have spent 5 1/2 years living with people from all over the world! I am fluent in academic and conversational Spanish from interacting and studying with Spanish speakers from over 20 countries. I have learned about countries that I never knew existed. I have danced traditional dances that I never knew existed. I am one year away from becoming a medical doctor, when I really had given up on medicine before I applied to medical school in Cuba. I am obsessed with personal growth, world exploration, maintaining personal relationships with friends and family and just trying to spread love whenever I can.
I walk or take the bus most places I need to go. I love traveling across the island of Cuba. I'm not at all happy to live thousands of miles away from my family. After living with roommates, sometimes up to 22 women in one room, I have a hard time being alone. I have no time to hula hoop or read novels. I have no access to the internet or cable for that matter to keep up with hoop dance tricks or world affairs. I have tons of fun crafts on hold that I don't know when will get done, including a t shirt quilt with all my favorite shirts from high school and college. Most of my time is spent in a hospital or clinic or studying to give better care in a hospital or clinic. My life is very different, but yet still the same.
Still I am just a young woman who wants to make a better life for herself, her family and her community. I still work to take care of myself, my family, my community and the environment. I am still thirsty for knowledge and interested in learning and experiencing new things. I feel like the more I learn, the more I know I didn't know, and the more I want to learn. I'm more receptive to nonverbal clues and the subtleties of communication. I am looking forward to what my last year in Cuba will bring, and my return to the US for more than just work/study vacation. I feel like, my life is just starting, and I'm looking forward to giving back to the universe all of the blessings that I have received, especially over these last 6 years when I have depended on so many people to get me through. My life is still GREAT!
Saturday, June 21, 2014
My Good Friend Lay
I have just been so blessed to meet a wonderfully kind, generous, loving woman named Lay, who lives just outside of my hospital in Havana. I thought she might be too kind to be a city slicker, and sure enough she's from a small rural town just outside of Havana. I met her for the first time in my 3rd year because she prepared delicious low cost food for students out of her home. Over the last 3 years, she has become a like a big sister to me, since she's not quite old enough to be my mother.
The first time I was convinced that she was amazing was when I sprained my ankle for the second time. She came to my house almost everyday and brought me food and arnica rub from fresh arnica leaves. She refused to accept payment for the food, which is crazy to me, since she doesn't make much money at all. It really touched me that what she did make she was willing to spend to make sure I had food at a time when I couldn't shop or cook for myself.
Over time, she has been a constant and consistent person in my life. She tells amazing stories that sometimes break my heart, but always end with a message of positivity, success over all obstacles and love toward our fellow mankind. Both in very concrete and emotional/spiritual ways, she has supported me and made my experience in Cuba wonderful and amazing. I know in her, I've made a friend for life and I just hope I can show her how much I love and appreciate her for everything she's done for me.
The first time I was convinced that she was amazing was when I sprained my ankle for the second time. She came to my house almost everyday and brought me food and arnica rub from fresh arnica leaves. She refused to accept payment for the food, which is crazy to me, since she doesn't make much money at all. It really touched me that what she did make she was willing to spend to make sure I had food at a time when I couldn't shop or cook for myself.
Over time, she has been a constant and consistent person in my life. She tells amazing stories that sometimes break my heart, but always end with a message of positivity, success over all obstacles and love toward our fellow mankind. Both in very concrete and emotional/spiritual ways, she has supported me and made my experience in Cuba wonderful and amazing. I know in her, I've made a friend for life and I just hope I can show her how much I love and appreciate her for everything she's done for me.
Wednesday, May 14, 2014
What are the downsides of living in Cuba?
I feel like most people don’t really know what I struggle with everyday because I try not to be critical of things I don’t understand, and as such try to avoid saying negative things about this country that has so graciuosly given me a free medical education. I want everyone to understand though what it’s like living here, and I usually openly express all the positive things, so let me just spend a few mintues talking about some of the difficulties.
First, I don’t have access to air conditioning, hot water, electricity 24 hours a day, water 24 hours a day, a car that I can drive, comfort products made in the US like Dove soap, Always maxi pads, Aunt Jemima pancake mix, etc, the list goes on and on, but you all get the point. I lived here 3 years before I even bought a toilet seat. Some of this stuff is lacking here because that’s just normal in most parts of the world because most of the world lives in poverty, and Cuba is not one of the few exceptions. There’s also an economic blockage against Cuba that complicates things that much more and makes things like access to internet, phone calls home, fax and pretty much every form of communication that you can imagine really really hard. When I first came here, I embraced the struggle. I knew that this would be a temporary time in my life and so I just said, fine. I can do this. I didn’t have a toilet seat. I mostly hand washed my clothes, even blankets. Many of my meals came from the student dining hall, which is way less calorically and nutritionally than anyone needs to survive, but I was doing it, and I was proud of myself for being so strong. Plus I didn’t want to feel like I was wasting all the money people had so generously donated to me for my education on things like toilet seats or washing machines. So I roughed it.
I still feel very strongly that I should continue to rough it because the people of this country are giving up higher salaries and more comforts for themselves so that I can be here studying medicine. I appreciate them more than words can say. Even when I’m upset with my school, my neighbors, my patients, my professors, I try to always remind myself to be thankful for their sacrifices for me, who some perceive to be spoiled rich kid from America. You all know my story is miles away from that, but still, I understand and accept my position of priviledge with respect to people who don’t have the funds to come and go as they please, will never have access to Dove or Always,and will never make the kind of money that I will one day make practicing medicine. I try to remain humble and thankful and never boast or negate their stories of struggle because it’s real. Thanks to that very real stuggle, I walk several miles a day just going to school, proving food for myself and taking care of other necesities. It keeps me in shape if nothing else, lol.
To finish this I just want to list really quickly some of the most frustrating things…
When I have a final exam and the electricty goes off for hours (the professor doesn’t care! You better know the material!)
When I’m hungry, but so much time has passed since I last ate that I don’t even have the energy to walk to the store (you have to walk everywhere, even when you get a ride you have to walk to that ride)
When so hot that even sitting still in the shade makes you sweat and there’s nothing you can do about it…Nothing!
Waiting hours in line at the cheapest place in town to make international calls, and when it’s finally my turn, no one is home!
Spending a whole day trying to accomplish simple tasks like use the internet, but every place you go is either malfuntioning, closed for fumigation, or just otherwise unable to meet your needs, but this of course is after you spent the whole day running around, literally, and you still have not completed what you set out to complete.
So that’s it in a nutshell. People who know me best know that all food tastes better to me now. Hot water feels amazing and soothing. Car rides that I don’t have to walk to are like a marvel. Being able to wash my clothes in a machine just like blows my mind. I appreciate and live life in a way that I never could have had I not made the conscious decision to live without these things, and for that I thank and appreciate Cuba and really the third world as a whole. I love the compassion, strength, resilience and just overall generosity, determination and love that living here has taught me. These are lessons that will stay with me for life whether I chose to live forever in the US or practice medicine and live with the 98% of the world for whom life without those comforts is an everyday reality.
Tuesday, March 11, 2014
So very blessed!
I just found out 1. I passed my last board exam to apply for residency in the US!!!!! So exciting and amazing!!! I feel so very blessed to have the opportunity to practice medicine, and I'm glad that what looks like God's plan and my plan are one in the same. 2. I was selected for a summer job at Contra Costa Regional Medical Center!!!! This hospital trains some of the best doctors in the state and it would be an honor to go there for residency. I applied knowing that I may not be accepted, but I was, which is wonderful, scary and exciting!!! I'll be there in August this year! 3. My mom has just finished her first round of chemo and radiation and is feeling good. She didn't have any real reactions to the medication or radiation, and is still just like her normal self. Now we just wait and pray the tumor shrinks. Just thought I'd share those things with you all :)
Sunday, December 22, 2013
Newest Nickname
My friends in Cuba gave me the nickname BlackLock which is from the old TV show Matlock. They said I pay attention to every little detail of everything and analyze it in a way that allows me to come to conclusions really fast, and figure out mysteries. They were like, she's like Matlock, but black, and thus BlackLock! I take it as a compliment, even though I think it could be misinterpreted as nosy. That adds to the list of nicknames I've had over the years like sista born-ready, sunshine, signal light, and lawyer/defender! All things that are good for a future doctor!
My World Is Changing
Hey All My Blog Followers!
I know I'm kind of mushy and always into some "weird" stuff, but sometimes I just sit and think about how much my world has changed. My diet is completely different now from what it was 5 years ago. I used to eat just about everything, except meat since I've been a cheese and egg vegetarian for almost 20 years. Now, I really do avoid lots of unhealthy things and incorporate lots of new veggies, spices and whole grains that I never would have considered in the past. My family is very different now, and continues to change. My sister who is closest to me in age has 3 kids under 3 years old, and is pregnant again with twins! I never thought she would have so many little ones so fast! My mom also has lung cancer, which is the same thing that took her mother's life, and that has brought it's own struggle for me and my family. My love interest is not a person I would have seen myself with 5 years ago. He's from the English speaking Caribbean, and I didn't know enough about Caribbean culture 5 years ago to really understand or appreciate him, but I'm learning more and more about him and where he comes from every day. My friends are very different from friends I had in the past. My whole world really is different. I am not as angry or vengeful as I was in the past. I feel like I've really learned to be a better listener and not just wait to talk. I have been fortunate to meet people, mostly women, who are loving, compassionate, humble, mindful and just like angels here on earth who have showed me the type of woman I want to be. I really feel very blessed and very fortunate to be where I am today, and I hope that everyone can experience the type of peace and contentment I feel with my life now. Things are by no means perfect, and I would never claim that. I still have issues with Cuba. I still have issues with the US, and I still have issues with myself. All that being said, I am still very happy with my growth and development these past few years. I just wanted to share that.
I know I'm kind of mushy and always into some "weird" stuff, but sometimes I just sit and think about how much my world has changed. My diet is completely different now from what it was 5 years ago. I used to eat just about everything, except meat since I've been a cheese and egg vegetarian for almost 20 years. Now, I really do avoid lots of unhealthy things and incorporate lots of new veggies, spices and whole grains that I never would have considered in the past. My family is very different now, and continues to change. My sister who is closest to me in age has 3 kids under 3 years old, and is pregnant again with twins! I never thought she would have so many little ones so fast! My mom also has lung cancer, which is the same thing that took her mother's life, and that has brought it's own struggle for me and my family. My love interest is not a person I would have seen myself with 5 years ago. He's from the English speaking Caribbean, and I didn't know enough about Caribbean culture 5 years ago to really understand or appreciate him, but I'm learning more and more about him and where he comes from every day. My friends are very different from friends I had in the past. My whole world really is different. I am not as angry or vengeful as I was in the past. I feel like I've really learned to be a better listener and not just wait to talk. I have been fortunate to meet people, mostly women, who are loving, compassionate, humble, mindful and just like angels here on earth who have showed me the type of woman I want to be. I really feel very blessed and very fortunate to be where I am today, and I hope that everyone can experience the type of peace and contentment I feel with my life now. Things are by no means perfect, and I would never claim that. I still have issues with Cuba. I still have issues with the US, and I still have issues with myself. All that being said, I am still very happy with my growth and development these past few years. I just wanted to share that.
Monday, July 22, 2013
"1st World" Woman Living in the "3rd World"
I didn't know much about the world outside the US growing up. I don't know if I just never learned anything about how people live in other countries, or I just didn't pay attention. Either way, I feel like I was really ignorant, and even though I have learned quite a bit these last 4 1/2 years living with people from over 80 countries in the "3rd world," I still have a lot to learn.
One thing I've learned is that not everyone lives like the kids on those ridiculous save the children ads. My friends are very clean, they have fashion, they have culture and pride in where they're from, and they make things work despite their apparent lack of resources. I wasn't necessarily surprised to see how many people look good, smell good and just overall exude confidence and swagg, but it was definitely new to me. I thought people would look "poor" whatever that means, but people look fine. With some cultures, like Caribbean culture and Central American culture, image is everything! People stay ironed, matched up from head to toe, cologned/perfumed, hair always done, always sharp...I can't keep up!
Something people sometimes ask me is how people react to me, being that I'm American living in Cuba, and people think America is the promise land, so why did I leave. I'm not really a typical American in America or outside America, so my experience is very different. I don't want to go into why my American experience has been different, but I will say that, even though I'm the exact same color as many Cubans, with the same hair and everything, very few people think I'm Cuban. It's not like in South Africa, where I could blend in. Cubans have a way of dressing and carrying themselves that makes it kind of obvious who's Cuban and who's not. I usually respond to Cubans, who often think I'm African (I take it as a compliment :-), that I think Cuba is beautiful and I'm very grateful for the sacrifice Cuban people make in order to allow me to study in their country for free. I usually add that MY country isn't paying for me to go to medical school for free, so why not come? Plus, everything that glitters isn't gold so don't get caught up on the hype of the American dream. People have to work really hard, and often the people who work the hardest, make the least. There's a lot of discrimination, profiling, abuse and depression. There are beautiful things too, but America isn't perfect, and I can always use a little break from it.
I really like the noise in Cuba. Being back here, everything feels really quiet. In Cuba, there's music everywhere! There's live music at a lot of cafes. There's a radio with techno or reggaeton at all the cafeterias. The city bus plays reggaeton, oldies from the states (Stevie Wonder, Earth Wind and Fire, Frankie Beverly and Maze!), salsa music, pop music...they be jammin on the bus! It's just a good time. People are always dancing. Here you can only get public music at bars or very quietly in restaurants...it's really an adjustment coming back.
Other than a few other small things to add to the small things I've already mentioned, it's really not that different for me. Yes, I hand-wash clothes, no I don't have hot water or AC, yes I walk almost everywhere or take the bus (sometimes its so full I'm hanging out of the door), yes I recycle almost everything (saving clothes by sewing them shut, using plastic bottles as planters, even turning old yogurt to new with fresh milk), yes I live in small spaces with lots of people, yes we run out of gloves, water, soap, space, sheets and just about everything you can think of except for doctors at the hospital, BUT I am still human, just like the people I live with, and we always make a way to survive and live a happy and dignified life. This experience has been so valuable to me that no words can really express how grateful I am to Cuba and all my friends and family and all the politicians, activists, business and community people who have made this happen! If I could do it all over again, in a heartbeat, I most certainly would!
One thing I've learned is that not everyone lives like the kids on those ridiculous save the children ads. My friends are very clean, they have fashion, they have culture and pride in where they're from, and they make things work despite their apparent lack of resources. I wasn't necessarily surprised to see how many people look good, smell good and just overall exude confidence and swagg, but it was definitely new to me. I thought people would look "poor" whatever that means, but people look fine. With some cultures, like Caribbean culture and Central American culture, image is everything! People stay ironed, matched up from head to toe, cologned/perfumed, hair always done, always sharp...I can't keep up!
Something people sometimes ask me is how people react to me, being that I'm American living in Cuba, and people think America is the promise land, so why did I leave. I'm not really a typical American in America or outside America, so my experience is very different. I don't want to go into why my American experience has been different, but I will say that, even though I'm the exact same color as many Cubans, with the same hair and everything, very few people think I'm Cuban. It's not like in South Africa, where I could blend in. Cubans have a way of dressing and carrying themselves that makes it kind of obvious who's Cuban and who's not. I usually respond to Cubans, who often think I'm African (I take it as a compliment :-), that I think Cuba is beautiful and I'm very grateful for the sacrifice Cuban people make in order to allow me to study in their country for free. I usually add that MY country isn't paying for me to go to medical school for free, so why not come? Plus, everything that glitters isn't gold so don't get caught up on the hype of the American dream. People have to work really hard, and often the people who work the hardest, make the least. There's a lot of discrimination, profiling, abuse and depression. There are beautiful things too, but America isn't perfect, and I can always use a little break from it.
I really like the noise in Cuba. Being back here, everything feels really quiet. In Cuba, there's music everywhere! There's live music at a lot of cafes. There's a radio with techno or reggaeton at all the cafeterias. The city bus plays reggaeton, oldies from the states (Stevie Wonder, Earth Wind and Fire, Frankie Beverly and Maze!), salsa music, pop music...they be jammin on the bus! It's just a good time. People are always dancing. Here you can only get public music at bars or very quietly in restaurants...it's really an adjustment coming back.
Other than a few other small things to add to the small things I've already mentioned, it's really not that different for me. Yes, I hand-wash clothes, no I don't have hot water or AC, yes I walk almost everywhere or take the bus (sometimes its so full I'm hanging out of the door), yes I recycle almost everything (saving clothes by sewing them shut, using plastic bottles as planters, even turning old yogurt to new with fresh milk), yes I live in small spaces with lots of people, yes we run out of gloves, water, soap, space, sheets and just about everything you can think of except for doctors at the hospital, BUT I am still human, just like the people I live with, and we always make a way to survive and live a happy and dignified life. This experience has been so valuable to me that no words can really express how grateful I am to Cuba and all my friends and family and all the politicians, activists, business and community people who have made this happen! If I could do it all over again, in a heartbeat, I most certainly would!
Friday, July 19, 2013
Newly Committed to Health!
So, what I want to do is basically teach people who live in low income settings to eat well, exercise and manage stress. So many people focus on having money as a way to bring health, but the reality for a lot of people in my community in the US and worldwide, is that they don't have much money, and may never have much. Instead of just telling them to either get more money or never be healthy, I would like to teach them to use the few resources they DO have to make healthier choices, and to really change their priorities when it comes to how they use their resources whether it be their time, energy, money, etc. It's something I've struggled with and am still learning, so my patients can teach me and we can improve together.
We want to start this work even before we graduate with families in Cuba, and have already started formative research to do that. We are currently planning, organizing and looking for support with the project we would like to start in the Spring 2014. If anyone has any interesting documentaries, books, articles, info, funding sources, etc, they would like to share, please let me know!
Preventive Medicine Research Institute
Always a little weird to be back...
So I'm back home again, and there are so many things that are oddly new to me. The first thing that struck me was the auto-change toilet seat cover in the restroom at the airport. The toilet said it was "ready" for me. Weird! I was still a little skeptical about sitting on it, but I went ahead and did it. After I used it, I wanted to see if it would be automatically "ready" for the next person, but it didn't do anything besides flush, which made me feel like I had been deceived by the toilet. Why is that even an issue? The next thing was the warm water in a public restroom sink. I LOVE washing my hands with warm water. It just feels so nice, and it's something I really missed and appreciated about the first world. I actually forgot that it was a possibility and when I felt it, it was like "aaahhh....nice!"
Aside from those silly things about being back, there are bigger things like death and destruction, disregard for human life, intense fear, widespread obesity, mistreatment of our environment, corporate greed and all sorts of weird things that are particularly striking in the US that are really depressing. I really want to dedicate myself to loving all mankind as if they were my sisters and brothers and really sharing my life with my brothers and sisters. Aside from just deciding that in my profession, I will love with God's love, in the grocery store, while driving, playing sports, wherever...I want to make my best effort, to always love people. I know this may sound all hippy like, but its real.
I really miss my family, and because of studying, I haven't had a chance yet to catch up with people like I want to. I almost always cry when I arrive and usually an hour later, my mom and/or sisters come to the airport and pick me up in some vehicle that may or may not even be running properly, but they made it! This year, I'm going to have to wait 7 weeks to see my mom and those sisters, which hurts, and changes the experience of coming home. I still appreciate all the family and friends I've been able to see, but it's different.
Last but not least, I'm just happy to be alive and well. Once again, I was sick this year with gastrointestinal issues, and as a result I lost a significant amount of weight. I'm happy to be feeling strong and ready to work! I love working. I love having responsibilities, and I'm very grateful that my health is not in the way of that. It's a blessing to be able to do with your body what your mind wants. So yea...that's being back this year.
Aside from those silly things about being back, there are bigger things like death and destruction, disregard for human life, intense fear, widespread obesity, mistreatment of our environment, corporate greed and all sorts of weird things that are particularly striking in the US that are really depressing. I really want to dedicate myself to loving all mankind as if they were my sisters and brothers and really sharing my life with my brothers and sisters. Aside from just deciding that in my profession, I will love with God's love, in the grocery store, while driving, playing sports, wherever...I want to make my best effort, to always love people. I know this may sound all hippy like, but its real.
I really miss my family, and because of studying, I haven't had a chance yet to catch up with people like I want to. I almost always cry when I arrive and usually an hour later, my mom and/or sisters come to the airport and pick me up in some vehicle that may or may not even be running properly, but they made it! This year, I'm going to have to wait 7 weeks to see my mom and those sisters, which hurts, and changes the experience of coming home. I still appreciate all the family and friends I've been able to see, but it's different.
Last but not least, I'm just happy to be alive and well. Once again, I was sick this year with gastrointestinal issues, and as a result I lost a significant amount of weight. I'm happy to be feeling strong and ready to work! I love working. I love having responsibilities, and I'm very grateful that my health is not in the way of that. It's a blessing to be able to do with your body what your mind wants. So yea...that's being back this year.
Friday, September 28, 2012
What a successful summer!!!
So this summer has been the most difficult summer home I've had thus far. That's mostly because I spent the bulk of my summer in isolation studying for my first United States Medical Licensing Exam, which when I pass the first 3 of 4, will give me the right to apply to residency programs in the US, so it's a big deal. The studying part of my summer felt very isolated, stressful, and lonely, and at times I thought I was going or had gone crazy. It was like being in solitary confinement and being forced to learn volumes and volumes of information. Then, when I took the actual test, I felt like I had been hit by a bus and just wanted to study more! I left the test and continued to study for the next few days, mostly reviewing things I might have gotten wrong, but also random things that weren't quite clear to me during my crazed 6 weeks of study in isolation.
I'm happy to report that I passed my exam! I got my score just 2 days ago, and I cried for like 30 minutes solid. When I was studying, all these feels of self-doubt emerged, and even though I believe in myself and know that I have a good understanding of the information I need to be responsible for, I wasn't sure that my performance on the exam would reflect that. Passing the test makes me feel first of all like this is my ministry and my path, and I have to follow through and keep on pushing despite the difficulties I face. Second, I feel like a major hoop is out of my way, and I'm on a plateau at the very least and not on this uphill battle that I've been on the first 3 years of medical school.
Also, this summer, I was forced to increase my fundraising efforts in order to be able to continue school without taking time off to work. With the help of my good friend Kendra and her housemate Terri, we held a fundraising event at their house in San Francisco. Lots of people came out to show their support and give their money, which was amazing and inspiring. Sometimes I feel like there's no love or support out there for people who want to change their own situation and make changes to help people perceived by the masses to be irresponsible, but this night definitely showed that to be untrue. My family and friends also stepped up in a huge way and with all of the funds raised this summer, I will be able to go back to school for the next year to two years without worrying about where my next meal is going to come from. It's a huge relief, but also a boost of motivation and inspiration.
Finally, this summer I participated in the medical students for choice externship program. My externship was at San Francisco General Hospital, which is an amazing place to work and has changed the way I see medicine, patient care, and my role in the health field as a physician. I also learned some actual medical stuff, lol, but the most amazing things I walked away with are adopting an attitude of non-judgement, focusing on patient empowerment, and promotion of health instead of just the treatment of disease. All of these things are important to me, and I definitely want to integrate them into my practice along with improvement of social determinants of health and prevention. I'm not sure yet how I will do this, but I know I can.
Overall, I had a very difficult, but also very successful summer in that I buckled down and studied hard and passed Step 1, raised funds to continue my medical studies for the next year or two and participated in a wonderful externship at a hospital with exemplary faculty and staff. I also made time to be with family and friends, so just a great summer all around!
I'm happy to report that I passed my exam! I got my score just 2 days ago, and I cried for like 30 minutes solid. When I was studying, all these feels of self-doubt emerged, and even though I believe in myself and know that I have a good understanding of the information I need to be responsible for, I wasn't sure that my performance on the exam would reflect that. Passing the test makes me feel first of all like this is my ministry and my path, and I have to follow through and keep on pushing despite the difficulties I face. Second, I feel like a major hoop is out of my way, and I'm on a plateau at the very least and not on this uphill battle that I've been on the first 3 years of medical school.
Also, this summer, I was forced to increase my fundraising efforts in order to be able to continue school without taking time off to work. With the help of my good friend Kendra and her housemate Terri, we held a fundraising event at their house in San Francisco. Lots of people came out to show their support and give their money, which was amazing and inspiring. Sometimes I feel like there's no love or support out there for people who want to change their own situation and make changes to help people perceived by the masses to be irresponsible, but this night definitely showed that to be untrue. My family and friends also stepped up in a huge way and with all of the funds raised this summer, I will be able to go back to school for the next year to two years without worrying about where my next meal is going to come from. It's a huge relief, but also a boost of motivation and inspiration.
Finally, this summer I participated in the medical students for choice externship program. My externship was at San Francisco General Hospital, which is an amazing place to work and has changed the way I see medicine, patient care, and my role in the health field as a physician. I also learned some actual medical stuff, lol, but the most amazing things I walked away with are adopting an attitude of non-judgement, focusing on patient empowerment, and promotion of health instead of just the treatment of disease. All of these things are important to me, and I definitely want to integrate them into my practice along with improvement of social determinants of health and prevention. I'm not sure yet how I will do this, but I know I can.
Overall, I had a very difficult, but also very successful summer in that I buckled down and studied hard and passed Step 1, raised funds to continue my medical studies for the next year or two and participated in a wonderful externship at a hospital with exemplary faculty and staff. I also made time to be with family and friends, so just a great summer all around!
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