Back in the US!!!

Being back in the US is never easy. It's weird living abroad long term because you get so used to being a foreigner, that knowing what's going on around you is grounds to be a snob instead of just what's expected of you. Like for example, I kind of turned my nose up to the new foreigners in Cuba, who didn't know how to manage the 2 currency system or the bus routes. I would think in my head like "oh, you're new here huh?" It's weird being back in my home country, and being that person who doesn't know, who I would have turned my nose up to in Cuba. I have gotten used to it, and so have my friends and family, but when I meet people who don't know me, I have to give them the disclaimer "I don't know [fill in whatever obvious thing you feel people who are American should know] because I've been living outside the country for the last [X] years going to medical school in Cuba." Then I wait... Does this person know anything about Cuba? And if they do know something is what they believe positive or negative? Are they judging me? How do I smooth this over and make this a healthy conversation if they hate Cuba? and a whole series of questions that goes through my mind. It's this whole anxiety building cycle I go through everyday, since I never know when I'm not going to know something, and its been kind of been in constant in my life these past 6 years, but has definitely gotten worse over the years since my cultural knowledge deficit has increased exponentially over the years (especially since I quit social media). And I don't really know what I get so worked up about since most conversations end up being interesting and fun especially when people have heard about the great medical training in Cuba, or are impressed with the description I provide, or when we at least end up having a great conversation even if we disagree about Cuba, and I feel like I worked myself up about nothing. So yea, that's one aspect.

Its hard getting back on my feet. I went 6 1/2 years without an income. I survived by the grace of God and the kindness of humankind. Now it's time for me to get in the swing of things in the US, and it's not easy. I feel similar to a lot of college grads, trapped in this cycle of I need a job, so that I can make money and support myself, but I need money to get the job, so where do I start? I'm thankful to at least have offers for housing and food, and no dependents to worry about, so things are easier than they could be. I'm just hoping to transition to having transportation, credit, an income and overall being on my feet soon so that I can get out of the cycle of poverty once and for all.

Seeing and being with my family has been really awesome. I still feel strange when they call me Dr. Dupree. I prefer to just be called Meka, like they've always called me, but I blush when they call me Dr. Dupree, maybe because I know they are proud of me, and want to compliment me. I know my patients will refer to me very formally, and that I have to identify myself that way, so that people know who I am and why I'm in their exam room, but I don't feel the need to be called Dr. Dupree by my friends and family. I'm still Meka. You can keep calling me Meka. It's all good.

I'm doing my best this time, since my return feels very permanent, to see the beauty and goodness in this country and this culture. I don't hate the US, but I have been spoiled by my community life style in Cuba where people really care how you're doing when they ask, and they really do mean you can ask for anything and they'll be there for you if they say it, and they actually mourn the death of children even if they don't know them, and when people say you are like family, it's because they mean it, and just a long series of other sayings and actions that show one's humanity that has just nourished me in the hardest of times in Cuba. Now it's hard for me to appreciate certain things in the US. I know this country isn't all bad or filled with bad people, so please be patient with me, support me and help me see and understand the love that's here, so that I can ease into my transition home. This is afterall my home and where I would always choose to be. I am so thankful for the kindness my friends, family and some strangers have shown me, and I hope you know that you all are the ones who give me hope. You're all here and you have showed me love, so I too can live here and continue my goal of spreading love. Share your stories with me, and your experiences so that I will be inspired. That's your homework for all of my blog readers! I hope you can do that for me!